Being a friend in real life is a gift. Do not discount that.
You will meet a lot of people. A family at your child's summer camp, at a moms group, community event, or at the park. The tricky part is getting past the awkward beginning and putting the work in to be friends in real life.
I encourage you to take your relationships seriously. Healthy friendships don’t happen by accident. They take work and intentional living and may require some sacrifices. It means texting people back in a timely manner, looking past your differences, or making time to meet-up in real life. I invite you to make maintaining friendships in real life a priority.
Be mindful of your internet footprint and relationships online. As a policy, we do not friend anyone on Facebook. People have replaced meeting up for coffee with friending and following people on social media. "Facebook friends" are not real friend and people tend to collect friends like Pokemon. They tend to be counterfeit because you never have to meet or interact in real life. Break away from this cycle.
What we say when someone tries to friend us: "Thank you for the friend request, however, we do not friend any one on Facebook. We keep in touch with friends in real life and keep track of our contacts using an address book on Excel. We are always up for a meetup!
Value your friendships: everyone you meet will have different boundaries with you and that is OK! Some you will be able to talk to and do certain activities with that you will not with others. There are some moms in my life who I have little in common with, but they are great friends of ours.
Healthy friendships take two. You might be a consistent and loyal friend to them, but they might not be to you. So what? Maybe your example will rub-off on them.
Be mindful of the boundaries you make, people you ghost and the friendships you walk away from.
Facilitate healthy friendships for your children. It is our job as parents to manage our kids' relationships and communication. Get to know their parents. Schedule meetups for your families to get together in real life. Host an accompanied playdate and have the kids play Uno or Chess while you chat with the mom over coffee. We do not allow our kids to communicate with other kids within games or text messaging for many reasons including online safety. All communication including making plans happens is between us parents.
Be brave: chat with a stranger at the park or at summer camp pickup and exchange phone numbers. Don’t forget to message them soon!
Be loyal: once you get past the awkward beginning, having a close friend with trust and rapport in your life is a true blessing. Keep in going!
Respect other peoples privacy: do not to gossip or share information about one friend to another.
Have margin in your life for friendships. If someone invited you to a moms night one weekend within the next few weeks, would you be able to go?
Make the first move! If neither of you choose to interact, who will?
Look up! Include new people in your life. Do not create a clique with only your close friends that you are comfortable with. "Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold".
Respect other peoples time: be punctual. Do not be late to meet-ups.
Follow through on your promises: call them back after you promised. Do not stand people up!
Know when to walk away from a friendship: some friends can be toxic. Set boundaries and insist upon high standards.
Consider organizing your contacts on an excel spreadsheet instead of on social media.
Be good company: make friendly conversation. If this sounds weird to you, consider making a list of things you might talk about when you meetup (holiday plans, vacation story, farm visit story, etc.). If your friendship is new, get to know them! Ask about their pets, hobbies, if their kids are in any extracurriculars.
When you are invited to something, go! Birthday parties, a mom's night, getting together for a playdate. It is an act of kindness to show up and attend something you are invited to. The host is being kind by including you. Show up! If you can't go, RSVP! Thank them for the invitation and tell them you are not able to attend.
Text and call people back in a timely manner. Be reasonable. I am not saying you should drop everything right away. If you can't take the call or answer the text, reply as soon as you are able.
Be intentional: Plan a party, invite someone somewhere, manage your calendar. Don't just wait for life to happen to you or other people to make the first move.
Respect boundaries in communication: once upon a time, it was bad manners to contact someone after 9pm or before 9am. We should bring back that policy (IMO).
Remember to text your friend back: It might mean putting it on a to-do list and prioritizing.
Do not screen your calls: since you are exchanging numbers frequently, people who are not in your phone contacts or currently Facebook friends, may try to contact you. Don't blow them off! That person is being kind by reaching out to you and it is rude to ignore their message just because you don't know them, don't remember or don't have them saved in your contacts.
You only get one first impression: make it a good one.
Be there for people: you might be the only one or the one that makes a difference for that person.
Consider doing the Friendship pact. Be intentional about your friendships.
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